Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
