I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
