she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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