Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
