This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
