i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
