FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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