I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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