And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
