party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
