I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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