She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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