I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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