she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
