Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
