Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
