I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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