It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
