Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
