it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
