So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
