Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
