i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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