i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
