yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
