All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
