hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
