First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this just has baby written all over it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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