Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
