I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
