THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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