Just fell off a train. Bad.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
