The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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