you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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