I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
