Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
