He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
