If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
