fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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