you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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