That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
