All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pooping to opera.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
