Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
