Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
