if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
