Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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