I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
