I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
