We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
