so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I looked at my own cervix.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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