beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
