WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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