ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
