remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
