Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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