The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize