The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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